Old & Blue

 When I think I could’ve been famous,
when I imagine for a moment the applause.
When I think what I could’ve achieved,
instead I’ve the menopause!

 I’ve suddenly become old overnight,
my body has turned on me.
I’ve lumps of fat all over the place
and things are sinking to gravity.

 I’ve now put on that much weight,
I’m wearing undies like me mum,
and I’m bigger in everything, knickers and bra,
and I’ve suddenly an oversize bum.

And when it comes to public loos,
now just think on what I’ve said.
Whoever designed the cubicles for those
hadn’t considered middle age spread.

So when I need to go into town
I get very angry and sore.
It’s bad enough me weak bladder,
let alone I can’t close the door!

 It just doesn’t help the moods and depression.
Seems anything now gets me down,
and the wrinkles and lines, well me forehead
constantly now wears a frown. 

And you know when you were in your teens
and you had a teenage crush
for someone you liked who was in your class,
now that blushing is called a hot flush.

 Me knees begin to creek,
I have trouble getting out of bed
and I’ve migraines much more frequently,
that I wish I could cut off me head.

 And forgetful? Well, I go upstairs
and forget what I went up for.
Lists get written and I can’t remember
what I did the day before. 

So, a warning to any of you
who can remember the seventies era.
If you’re not in the menopause yet my dear,
take heed it’s getting nearer!

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